Burnout Isn't Proof of Commitment: The Leadership Trap Too Many Women Fall Into
- Samantha Riel
- Jul 30
- 5 min read
A conversation on burnout, boundaries, and the pressure to prove ourselves.
We recently sat down with Freya Ward, Global Growth Director at Headley Media, to talk about something that so many of us feel but rarely name out loud. The pressure to perform. The quiet expectation to keep saying yes. The belief that if we stop pushing, we might fall behind.
It was a conversation about women in leadership, but it was also a conversation about humanity. About what happens when we build our careers without boundaries. About the reward systems that glorify burnout. And about what it looks like to build something sustainable, not just successful.
This wasn’t a checklist or a productivity hack. It was a reflection on the lived experience of ambitious women who have spent years overachieving, only to realize that pace isn’t the same thing as purpose.
Here are some of the truths that emerged.
Overachievement Isn’t What We Think It Is
It often starts early. We learn to raise our hand first, take on more, and never drop the ball. We’re told that going the extra mile makes us valuable. And when we do it well, we’re rewarded. Applauded. Promoted.
But overachievement is tricky. It doesn’t always look like a problem from the outside. It looks like dedication. It looks like leadership.
And slowly, it becomes the default. Until one day we realize we’re the one answering emails at 10pm. We’re the one driving across the state for a last-minute delivery. We’re the one fixing everything without asking for help.
When doing more becomes the only way to feel successful, something’s off. And it usually takes a breaking point before we see it.
Burnout Doesn’t Mean You Care More
Somewhere along the way, we confused exhaustion with excellence. But burning out isn’t proof that we’re committed. It’s usually a sign that we’ve been trying to prove too much, for too long, with too little support.
In the conversation with Freya, we heard stories that felt familiar. Working through anniversaries. Staying late to perfect things no one asked us to fix. Taking pride in being the go-to person. The dependable one. The one who always gets it done.
But that kind of pride comes at a cost. And over time, it drains the energy we need to lead well, think clearly, and live fully.
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re dedicated. It means your system is broken. And if no one else is noticing, it’s up to you to raise your hand.
Boundaries Aren’t Weakness. They’re Leadership.
Many of us weren’t taught how to set boundaries. Especially early in our careers. We learned that the best way to grow was to say yes to everything and figure it out later. And if we didn’t have a model for what healthy boundaries looked like, we assumed they would make us seem lazy or uncommitted.
But boundaries are not about doing less. They’re about doing the right things, at the right time, in a way that doesn’t deplete us or our team.
Sustainable leaders know when to say yes and when to pause. They delegate with intention. They trust their team. They model what it looks like to prioritize well-being, without compromising results.
And they give others permission to do the same.
Culture Is Built in the Small Moments
We tend to think of culture as something big and defined. Values on a wall. A mission statement. But culture is shaped most by the patterns we don’t talk about.
What gets praised.What gets overlooked.What gets normalized.
If we celebrate the person who answers emails on weekends, others will follow. If we applaud those who never say no, we teach everyone else that boundaries are optional.
The culture we build reflects the behavior we reward. And if we want teams that are thoughtful, resilient, and strong, we have to start by rethinking what we celebrate.
The Pressure to Prove Never Really Goes Away
One of the most honest parts of the conversation was the quiet pressure so many women feel to always be performing.
Not because anyone says it out loud. But because we’ve absorbed messages our whole lives. That there’s only so much room. That we have to be twice as prepared. That if we drop one ball, we’ll lose our shot.
This pressure doesn’t just come from workplaces. It comes from inside. From growing up seeing women around us fight for their place. From feeling like every opportunity has to be earned ten times over.
Even when no one is asking us to prove ourselves, we still feel like we have to.
The only way to change that is to talk about it. To call it what it is. And to build teams and cultures where rest, boundaries, and asking for help aren’t seen as liabilities—but as part of how we lead well.
Support Is Not Optional
If you’re doing this alone, it will break you.
Mentorship. Community. Trusted peers. These are the lifelines that help us stay grounded.
Sometimes it’s a colleague who says, “You don’t have to carry all of that.” Sometimes it’s a friend who reminds you that your worth isn’t tied to your output. Sometimes it’s a manager who notices before you say anything.
We need each other. And we need to be the kind of leaders who offer that support to others. Who tag the rising voices. Who recommend someone else for the panel. Who notice when someone’s carrying too much.
The antidote to burnout isn’t just better habits. It’s better support systems.
There’s Room for All of Us
Freya shared something that stuck. When two women are up for the same opportunity, there’s often a feeling of competition. Like there’s only one seat. One shot. One voice that will be heard.
That scarcity mindset is real. And it’s painful, but it’s also false.
There is room for more than one woman in leadership. There is room for different styles of leadership. There is room for softness, for strength, for quiet, for fire.
We don’t need to compete for a limited space. We need to create more space. And that starts with how we show up for each other.
A New Definition of Success
Success isn’t working through dinner. It isn’t cleaning up after everyone else.It isn’t doing more than you should because no one else will.
Success looks like impact without depletion. It looks like a calendar with breathing room.It looks like a team that functions even when you unplug.It looks like boundaries that are respected, not just tolerated.
It’s not about slowing down for the sake of it. It’s about making sure the pace you’re working at is one you can actually sustain. Not for a week or a quarter, but for a career.
You Don’t Have to Break to Belong
That’s the truth at the center of all of this.
Leadership doesn’t have to hurt.Overachievement isn’t the only path.You can slow down without losing your edge.You can step back without being left behind.You can choose to lead differently and still win.
So if something in this conversation felt familiar, take a moment.
Ask yourself if the way you're working right now is truly working for you. Ask yourself if you're building something that feels like yours. Ask yourself if there’s another way, One that doesn’t leave you running on empty.
And the best leaders? They make sure no one else has to either.
Listen to Episode 7: Burnout Isn’t Proof of Commitment - The Leadership Trap Too Many Women Fall Into
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